There’s more Truth Of The Universe in a laugh with a friend, and an approach to life that is lighter than a breeze.

I was in Berlin when I found out that Forbes wanted me on the cover of their magazine for their end of year edition. The requisite in-person shoot and interview were happening in Joburg on 9 November. I hadn’t been planning to head back to South Africa until December, and having left my company a couple months before then, I didn’t really have the funds to spend on two international flights. I was going to say no.

In Berlin, I was staying with my friends Louis and Alex, and they walked into the lounge where I was sitting and suggested we head out for a coffee, so I put away my phone before I could reply to Forbes.

We walked through Mitte to their favourite spot and ordered a couple lattes and croissants. At the table, another email pinged through, this one from the NYDA informing me that our final board meeting of the year and 2025 strategic planning session was set to take place on the 18th and 19th of November. I then also remembered a conversation I had had a couple weeks prior with the organiser of Africa Tech Festival. We had met at a London-South Africa startup event, and she had asked me to judge the pitching competition and speak on some panels. The dates for those were 11 through 14 November.

The next day I was at Brandenburg airport, catching my flight to London. I was reading through some NYDA documents. My term of office was coming to an end and there were some final projects I wanted to wrap up to conclude my term on a successful note. It had been three life-changing years working in government, and the privilege of that position, and the trust placed in me by Parliament and the President was not something I had ever taken lightly. I decided it was worth catching a flight down, even just for that meeting. But I would fly down early to include the Tech Festival work, and hell, why not say yes to Forbes while I was at it. This meant that I would fly into OR Tambo airport, instead of flying directly to Cape Town which I have always done - every single time.

In Joburg, I had usually stayed at a gorgeous little guesthouse in Houghton, but a bad experience there on my last trip to the city had soured the place for me. And to be honest, I was drained. In almost every sense. I had been ill on and off for the last 6 weeks, first with a bout of tonsillitis, and then with what I’m pretty certain was a variant of covid. Exercise had always been my refuge but between all the illnesses and a knee injury, that had been cut off to me.

The year had also been a strange one. I have an almost physical, visceral aversion to acknowledging negativity or defeatism in any form. When things don’t work out, I ignore it, shun it, shut it out and spin it. It is completely invalid to me. And I believe that this is a good way to live. I believe we see the world not as it is, but as we are, and that by choosing and cultivating joy, gratitude and positivity, we live lives that are joyful, abundant and positive. I believe we create the future with our thoughts and words as much as we do with our deeds and efforts. With regimental intensity I had cultivated a state of mind that seeks only the sunshine. But if I may deviate from this, just for a moment, I should mention that I was also drained from a series of knocks in the months leading up to November.

The details of what those were are boring and hashing them out will be a dull experience. But it had created a context of uncertainty; of direction, of worth, of meaning, of loyalty, of financial stability. And at times it had been lonely beyond measure. An isolation, but an iron will. A delicate sensitivity in all its beauty. Your slightest look easily will unclose me - though i have closed myself as fingers - nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands - nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility: whose texture compels me with the colour of its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing.

In that tumult, however, and that storm, I had washed up on the shores of that place where fortitude and ability are measured. Who are you when it really counts? When the chips are down? What dwells in the quietness that is removed from the story you tell yourself about yourself?

If you are lucky, it is wonderous things. Things are are brave, and clean, and true. Stripped of ego, the journey can prickle and bite and shine and exalt. A clarity, a song, perhaps the face of God in all things. To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wild flower.

But step lightly; it’s not all that hectic. There’s more Truth Of The Universe in a laugh with a friend, and an approach to life that is lighter than a breeze.

In all this, I arrived in Johannesburg at the end of spring, having arranged to stay with my cousin, Andrew, and his wife, Heather. I hadn’t seen Andrew and Heather in quite a while, but arriving back in South Africa with the intensity of the last few months lining my epidermis, I felt incredibly compelled to be surrounded with the easy companionship of staying with family. I can’t remember much about the flight down, but I remember arriving at their house in Hurlingham and stepping out into the perfect Highveld weather. I took my shoes off and walked out onto the grass and lay prone, arms and legs strecthed out, facing the sky while the sun beat photons into my pores. A rush of serotonin. A smile. This was good. Rachel, their domestic worker, came outside to laugh and chat and made me a bowl of chicken curry. I ate it outside, obsessed with the sunlight. It was so good to be back.

Pizza and laughter that night with Heather and Andrew and their young son Matthew. My sense of calm intensified and I felt home. It was an early night after a long flight, and I was due to fly to Cape Town the following afternoon, after the shoot. My friend Thalia was away with her family, but she was coming back on Sunday and I was set to stay with her for a couple days. I texted her to confirm the time I’d be arriving.

I woke up on 9 November. That night there had been a massive thunderstorm and I woke up in the pre-dawn to the rain lashing down. It was hot, and my windows were open. I had slept with a thick duvet and I had been sweating slightly. I kicked off the duvet and lay there naked, cooling off my body and waking up slowly, stretching and with pleasure watching the rain pouring from the roof in great turrets of water as the thunder rumbled around. The light of the day began, as the colours changed and the dark forms outside took shape into trees and tables and pillars. Still the rain poured down and still I watched it and listened to it, unwilling to break the magic.

I saw the time and realised I was, of course, running late. I went to shower. I had forgotten to pack shampoo so Heather leant me hers. Back in my room, I saw Thalia and texted, in a bit of a state saying I had mixed up the dates and she would only be back on Monday, as she had told me two weeks ago. I thought about catching my flight to Cape Town regardless and just setting up at a hotel, usually the Camps Bay Retreat which is a firm favourite, but the rapture and joy of watching the storm that morning was still with me and I was reluctant to leave. I texted Heather to ask if I could stay another night, and in her usual kind, welcoming and incredible manner she agreed instantly, mentioning that they had a friend coming over for a braai that evening and I was welcome to join.

I got dressed and got in my uber to the Forbes shoot. It was a long, but very fun day. We had to keep our energy peaking for more than 9 hours to create the vibe they wanted and so I had been downing red bulls. I hate red bulls. I abhor any form of “food” or beverage that is ultra-processed and laced with sugar and additives. But the pressure was on and I had to perform. Three hours in hair and makeup, six wardrobe changes, group shots, solo shoots, interviews, BTS footage. We wrapped much later than expected because some of the other entrepreneurs being featured were influencers and insisting on filming additional content with us all in it. By the time it started getting dark, we were finally able to leave. I changed back into the simple, blue, cotton dress that I had arrived in that day. Nothing spectacular, but well-fitted and pretty. I didn’t have time to wash off the makeup.

A couple of the influencers were heading out to a fancy dinner and asked me to come along. The one was giving me The Look, so I decided it was safer to head home. I got a lift back to Hurlingham, rang the gate bell and hurled my stuff in through the door. I dumped it in my room and went outside to where I heard voices. Sitting on the far side of the table was Andrew and Heather. Sitting across from them, to my right, was their friend, who had risen to greet me when I walked outside.

And that was when I met Matthew Milne.