Our Bodies Are Given To Us Only Once: An Update From COP28 To A Hospital Bed.
I've been seeing all the posts from my fellow COP28 delegates about what the conference meant for them and how they plan to incorporate the learnings from it all into their work going forward.
It's taken me a while, but it's time for me to share my COP28 experience. And I'll start by saying that this is not the post that I thought I would make about COP28.
From the moment I first heard I would be part of the South African delegation, I was so excited. That same day I organised my visa, flights and hotel. I downloaded all the reading material and poured over it, I looked up the events and planned my schedule day by day to cram it all in. Plus, I was going to be seeing my mentor, investor and friend Luke Nolan while in Dubai and be there for the birth of his daughter.
The day I arrived I got straight into the thick of it, and after meeting with an event organiser was given a speaking slot on the Sunday to address delegates on "Leveraging Capacity Building and Multilateral Collaboration to enhance the realization of the National Adaptation Plan". Doing an address at COP28! Dude! It was so exciting!
And, without trying to sound dramatic, 24 hours later I was in hospital of all things! The whole trip, all the plans, all the work, the incredible opportunity I had been given, the trust that had been placed in me to deliver results, everything, just kinda vanished in a poof of smoke and was replaced by hospital gowns, fluorescent lighting and the smell of disinfectant.
I’m totally fine now by the way, so nothing alarmist here. I had gotten ill a bit before then, but quite simply did not have the time to slow down (ironically) and deal with it. Thing is, all I feel is overwhelming gratitude for the opportunities that have come into my life; DigsConnect, NYDA, Upstart Book, helping draft new policy and laws in Parliament, G20, COP28, One Milion for Democracy, chasing fitness goals, travelling to new cities, onboarding new team members and clients, meeting constituents, new friendships. It's a lot and it's been intense and doesn't create much space for recovery from illnesses, but I love that everyday I get to push myself and work damn hard at building a world that I believe in.
And I love sharing all of this with the world. Posting updates and photos of good news stories, of progress, of people all over the place doing rad stuff and all contributing to a better world day by day - I share all these updates because I want to fight the bad news tsunami and negative bias that seems to mostly occupy news cycles.
But it would be disingenuous to say it's always hunky dory. Sometimes it's a bit of a balls-up. Sometimes you think you're moving so steadily along your path when suddenly a curveball throws you right off it. At least, that's what it felt like at the time. Massively disappointing. But they say that life happens when you're making other plans. And the journey perhaps would certainly be more dull if everything always worked out.
And so, side-quest: health. Our bodies are given to us only once, and now an opportunity to expand my window of gratitude. And to be present for this lesson in compassion. I think if you’re used to feeling mostly capable and strong, suddenly realising that being human comes with faltering moments makes humanity’s “mistakes” more understandable. Our infallibility is as much a part of us as our extraordinary progress. Maybe even more so, because I think you can only really love people, love someone, not despite their flaws, but because of them. Because it's in the very attempt to be better than those flaws that makes all great achievement all the more incredible. Makes you remember that kindness really is everything.
From a bigger perspective, perhaps there are no wrong steps or flaws. You just gotta walk the journey, whatever direction it takes (even to a hospital when you should be addressing an audience at COP28 and being a part of a global conversation on a sustainable future!). To be here fully, and with intention for every step of the way.
So next steps? To be honest I have no idea. I don't really know how to change. I wake up every morning after the usual ridiculous 5 hours sleep and want to keep going, driven by a compulsion that I haven't ever really wanted to question. The truth of the matter is that I find it horribly uncomfortable to stop, to be less. Maybe I don't know who I am, or what value I add to the world when I'm not constantly on. In a harsh way, it's always seemed so self-centered, small-minded and selfish to even ask questions like this when the scale of work to be done in the world is so much bigger than this naval-gazing.
But ready or not, this is the direction the journey has taken, this is the opportunity that has been presented with the option to level up, or to stay on what has shown to be a destructive path. So with curiosity, and a dash of compassion, it's time to walk through this door. Intentional. Truthful. Alive. Awake.